30 by 30

30 by 30

• Feb 1, 2019

As you've probably guessed from the title of this post, I turned 30 today. Thirty, flirty, and thriving. I've only been waiting 15 years to finally say those words! I'm celebrating with my family tomorrow: pizza + 13 Going on 30 movie night, naturally. But I wanted to make the occasion today with a blog post that's been on my radar ever since Kelly did it first. I loved hers so much that I told asked her if I could do it, too. It was so fun to think about the past 30 years – the most memorable moments and the small ones that still feel so significant. As I was making my list, I noticed there were a few themes/categories emerging. So, I've grouped all 30 lessons into six general topics. Enjoy!

I could fill a whole book with all the things my mama has taught me, but here are six of my favorites:

1. If you want to do something, you'll find time for it.

This is one of the most important things I've learned, and I repeat it often. You do what you want to do. If you love something or someone, you'll make the time for it. How you spend your time shows what matters most to you. It's one of the reasons I still read so much – I'll sacrifice other stuff I enjoy to make time for the activity I love most.

2. We all have to do things that we don't want to do.
This sounds like an obvious one, but sometimes I need the reminder. We all do things that we don't really like –  annoying tasks at work, taking the dog out when it's raining, attending a million family events during the holidays, etc. I love a good vent session about these frustrations, but I try to remember they're a fact of life.

3. A real apology acknowledges you were wrong, tries to fix the problem, and asks for forgiveness. 
I can't tell you how much we heard this growing up! As the oldest of four siblings, I can attest to the fact that there were a lot of apologies exchanged in our house. My mom always told us that a real apology isn't, "I'm sorry, but..." or "I'm sorry if you felt that I..." If you're truly sorry, you take responsibility for what you did and try to repair things.

4. If you spot it, you've probably got it.

My mom once pointed out that often (not always) the character traits that bother you the most in other people are ones that you have yourself. It's been pretty true in my life! I'm usually the most frustrated by people doing things that I'm totally guilty of doing too. It's like I can see clearly in others what I'm sometimes blind to in myself.

5. Not every friendship is meant to last forever.

Some friendships are just for a season. I've had friendships end in flames and others fade away, and both are hard in different ways because it's sad to let go of someone when you've opened yourself up to them. But there's also beauty in realizing that people can come into your life when you need them most, even if they don't stay forever.

6. It's okay to not be okay.

I had a pretty wonderful childhood and adulthood, but there have been things that have happened the past few years that helped me realize that you can love and trust God but still grieve, be angry, and doubt. I've begun to see that my faith can grow in the questions and the searching, and there's no shame in needing help.

From friendships to family, I've learned a lot about relationships. Here are six things that stand out:

7. Unforgiveness hurts you more than the other person.

Holding on to bitterness towards someone feels like you're punishing them, but the only person you're hurting is yourself. That resentment takes root and can poison so many other relationships. You don't ever have to let someone back into your life, but don't let them take up room in your heart by holding on to unforgiveness.

8. It's the quality of your friends, not the quantity, that means the most.

I used to be sad that I didn't have a big group of girlfriends, but I've realized that the quality of my friendships matters more than the quantity. I'd rather have a few friends that I'm able to truly invest in and who know me well. I'd rather have one friend that I can talk about anything with than 10 where we only ever talk about one thing.

9. Have grace for other people – and for yourself. 

This is so much easier said than done, but I think this is one of my most-used phrases. I want to be someone who gives people the benefit of the doubt, who believes the best, who is quick to forgive, and who remembers that every person has their own story. And I want to extend that same grace to myself.

10. Relationships take work.
I have always been a little annoyed by the phrase "fell in/out of love" because it sounds so passive. Love is an action verb – there are feelings associated, yes, but it's a choice you make, every single day. Loving someone takes effort and requires unselfishness. You have to show up, invest, and give of yourself. You choose someone, over and over.

11. “When people show you who they are, believe them.” 
This Maya Angelou quote has stuck with me. It's a reminder to steer clear of people who show themselves to be untrustworthy. And it helps me remember that if I'm setting myself up for disappointment if I hope someone will act out of character. For example, I can't expect someone who is always blunt to provide gentle, soothing advice.

12. God is faithful, even when I'm not.

My favorite hymn is "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing," and I've always been drawn to one verse in particular: "Oh, to Grace how great a debtor / Daily I'm constrained to be / Let Thy goodness like a fetter / Bind my wandering heart to Thee." I have seen over the years how God is faithful, even when I have a wandering heart.

Can we talk about all the feels now? Here are six of the more emotional things I've learned:

13. Don't offer something if you'll resent someone for accepting.

I won't offer to do something – share something with someone, do someone a favor, treat someone to something, etc. – if I will secretly resent someone for accepting. If I offer something, I'm happy to do it and genuinely hope they will let me. It think it's unfair to the other person and to our relationship if I offer something insincerely. 

14. You are not defined by your failures.

I was a straight-A student and successful at pretty much anything I tried. And if I didn't think I'd be successful, I didn't try it. I defined myself by my accomplishments, and the risk with that is failure threatens your identity. When I failed my driver's test, it felt like a way bigger deal than it actually was... but I needed it to happen.

15. Find something that challenges and fulfills you creatively.

Whether it's your full-time job or a hobby on the side, embrace your creativity. One of the best things I've ever done was create this blog. I love what I've learned, the people I've met, the memories I've made, and the things I've brought into the world. Everyone's creativity looks a little different, so find your thing. 

16. Don't assume you don't like something if you haven't even tried it.

Whether it's food or an activity, I'm guilty of assuming that I know how I feel about something without even trying it. My brother and I still laugh about the time I told him I didn't like a certain dipping sauce only to have eat my words a  few minutes later when I actually tried it. I constantly reminding myself to be open to new things! 

17. Feelings aren't facts.

I think I've written this in a post before, but it's worth repeating: your feelings are real, but that doesn't mean they're reality. I love knowing that my emotion shouldn't completely define a situation or my reaction. Feelings are important and valid, but I need to be cautious of declaring them Truth and giving them too much power.

18. Say yes to adventure, even if it scares you.

Some of the very best things I've done in my life were because I decided to do something bold. I went on a trip to South Africa and ended up meeting the man I married. I studied abroad in Oxford and made new friends there when someone I trusted ditched me. I created this blog and started putting my words out there for all to read.

Okay, let's break up the deep thoughts with some light-hearted things that I know to be true:

19. Start each day with... a Diet Coke.
You thought I was going to say a grateful heart, right? Well, I hate to break it to you, but this is my truth. Haha! The lesson should probably be that Diet Coke isn't good for me, but we all have our vices. Chemicals over calories for me, thanks. If loving Diet Coke is wrong, I don't want to be right and you won't convince me otherwise. 

20. The cure for almost any sickness or bad mood is Pride and Prejudice – the book, the movie, or the soundtrack.

This is just Facts, y'all. Got the flu? Turn on the movie. Feeling uninspired creatively? Listen to the soundtrack. In a reading slump? Grab the book. If I'm feeling down, this story never fails to lift my spirits. I love anything and everything Austen, but Elizabeth and Darcy will always have a special place in my heart. It's my cure all for anything.

21. Don't say, "I'd never date someone shorter than me."
At almost six feet tall, I always swore up and down that I'd never date anyone shorter than me. Before a six-week trip to South Africa, all of the local people going met up for lunch. I called my mom afterward and told her, "There's the cutest guy going on this trip, but he's shorter than me so... nope." Reader, I married him.

22. Always bring a book. When in doubt, bring a backup.
You never know when you'll have time to read, and you don't want to be sitting somewhere wishing that you'd brought a book. With technology now, you can technically always have lots of books in your small device. But since you won't always have a signal, I think it's better to be prepared. And if you're bringing one book, what's one more?

23. If you can't fall asleep, tell yourself a story.
I can't remember how or why it started, but I've been doing this since high school. At night, I have a hard time quieting my mind. I think of what I didn't get done that day, projects I need to start, stuff I wish I hadn't said five years ago... You get the idea. Instead of counting sheep, I tell myself a story. It helps me focus and fall asleep.

24. I don't believe in exercise now, but I'll probably regret that later.

Here's how I want to spend NONE of my time: working out, walking, or being physical in basically any capacity. It was only my love for Kelly that convinced me to climb Arthur's Seat with her in Edinburgh. But here's something that I already know: there will come a day where I regret my lifetime of laziness. For now, I'll keep living in denial.

As a lifelong reader, you know I had to end with some of the best things books have taught me:

25. “We must see all scars as beauty... A scar means, I survived.”
Little Bee • In middle school, I had half of my thyroid removed and was left with a thick, red, raised scar. Years later, it had finally faded away and smoothed out... and then I had to have the other half of my thyroid removed. The scar on my neck is noticeable again, but I think of this quote when I feel insecure about it.

26. “Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
Anne of Green Gables • From losing her temper to accidentally serving alcohol to her best friend, a little bit of trouble is always trailing Anne. But this question (and another Anne quote about regretting our mistakes but not carrying them into the future with us) remind me that each new day is a chance for fresh start.

27. “Every night, you write down three good things that happened to you...”

Happiness for Beginners • I've written about this before, but I started keeping a "Three Good Things" journal after reading this book. It's helped change my perspective by making me focus on and find the good. And that becomes what I remember about each day. It doesn't negate the hard moments, but it gives the good ones more power.

28. “Till this moment I never knew myself.”
Pride and Prejudice • Elizabeth says this after she realizes that she's been wrong about Darcy, Wickham, and herself. I love her sudden self awareness, especially because she's seeing her flaws. We all have moments where we're confronted by our failings, and we can ignore them or admit we need to do better moving forward.

29. “Let me be something every minute of every hour of my life.”

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn • I love the full quote, which ends: “And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost.” We only get one life, and it passes by so quickly. I second Francie's prayer that she fully experience every moment of life, even the painful ones. I don't want to waste what I've been given.

And finally:

30. My interests may change, but I'll always be so obsessed with books.

I named by blog "So Obsessed With" because of my ever-changing obsessions. From researching a period of history to learning hand lettering, my interests can change frequently. But the one that's never changed? My love of books. They've been a constant in my life and have brought me comfort, celebration, and community. I'm so thankful!